Catching Up

I realize that it has been a very long time since my last post.  My delay in writing has been partly to do with our very busy schedule lately as well as Zachary's sudden interest in my computer.  Hence, my blogging time has significantly diminished.  I am hoping to get better about updating it in the coming months, especially now that I have gotten rid of my Facebook page.  I don't want to fade into obscurity completely, although I was getting a little bit uncomfortable with having so much of my personal life out there for so many co-workers to see.  Those who know me well, know that I am much more comfortable keeping the struggles and triumphs of my unique family situation known only to my immediate peers and family.  Most others would never understand the inner workings of our household, because it is so contrary to what they go home to each evening.  For those of you who are interested though, here is an update on how the munchkins are doing...

Zachary:

Since my last post, Zach has made tons of progress.  He no longer wears his air casts, but rather wears leg braces inside of his sneakers.  When just hanging around the house, he loves to walk around barefoot and does so with growing ease.  He climbs up and down stairs, in and out of the car, and can "run" (well, more like speedwalking, but we'll get there) better each day.  His left foot, which had the most intensive surgical procedure still gets sore and to compensate, he walks with it pointed outward.  The doctor seems to think that in time he will become more comfortable turning that foot forward with more consistency.  Regardless, we could not be more happy with the results of his surgery...and no, he has not made any attempts to get back up on his toes at all!!!  

Hailey:

Hailey is doing wonderfully.  She has been getting all A's in school, flying through her piano lessons with ease, and just started yet another soccer season.  We have had a few minor setbacks with her emotional well being, as her abandonment issues were brought to the forefront when I was pulled away to care for the boys post-surgery.  No surprise that her face, legs and arms were quite scratched up as her anxiety peaked, but we are on the down side of that now.  Hailey loves to present as totally resilient, but she is probably the most emotionally fragile of all of my children.  She also has the most abrasive way of dealing with her inner struggles, making connecting with her when she is struggling all the more difficult to do.  We are getting there though, and she is beginning to feel as though she is shining again.

Abby:

Abby is trudging through her first year of middle school relatively easily.  She joined the drama club, band, and volleyball teams this year and has maintained all A's for the first three quarters.  Her math and reading struggles appear to be behind her now and her confidence academically has begun to soar.  Currently she is beginning another soccer season and just became a Godmother to her cousin, Tyler.  I'd be lying if I said that this winter wasn't rough on Abby.  As the "little mother" to all of her siblings, she felt the need to help a lot when the boys returned from the hospital.  I often had to remind her to take a break and have some fun.  She is finally able to do that a bit more.

Jacob:

Hard to believe that Jacob had brain surgery a mere few months ago.  He now brags that his "zipper" on the back of his head is all healed, which has become a source of interest in his Kindergarten classroom.  Physically, it looks like he's out of the woods for now, however the surgery opened up Pandora's Box of emotional baggage from his turbulent past.  Being a child who was abandoned by his mother in a hospital at age six months, Jacob has spent the last few months struggling with my giving attention to others, leaving the house to run errands, and expecting him to act with the maturity that I know he is capable of.  His artwork only includes he and I.  He often acts as though his father and siblings do not exist.  He has not been easy to live with, since he has begun to process so much of what has happened since February.  Tackling such insecurities has not been easy and, at times, I have been convinced that I am the worst mother in the world without a clue of how to combat his difficult moods.  However, our good days are becoming more and more frequent, he is getting into less trouble in school, and I can feel my sanity returning, so I am hoping that we are out of the woods at least for now.

So, how am I holding up?  Come back and ask me once I have time to think about it.  Marc is still in school two nights and one weekend day a week, in addition to working full time.  Unfortunately this schedule will not change much even over the summer months and into next year.  When he's here, he is studying most of the time, taking breaks only for dinner and to say goodnight to the kids (I insist that he brush their teeth on the few nights he's around, so that he at least gets to spend a few minutes before bed with them).  I deal with the stress of everything by getting up at 4am so that I can get on the treadmill and run from about 4:40 to about 5:15 each weekday (wish that I could run longer, but my Psoriatic Arthritis has had other plans for me in the mornings...ugh!).  I have our afterschool routine down to a science and, although there is not a ton of 1:1 time for me with each child during the week, all the kids seem to be getting their academic, physical and emotional needs met.  Not easy with my crew!  I tackle the house cleaning on Saturdays, which becomes a 6am to 9pm whirlwind...who's idea was it to get a house this size anyway???  Sundays are my church, errand and "kid time" days (I try to get the kids out of the house as much as possible so that Marc has it quiet for studying).  No time to breathe, but also no time to think about how much the whole thing totally sucks!  I guess that is a good thing! 

As I sit here at my computer over my April school vacation, I am eager and sad as I anticipate the summer months.  I have already signed the children up for their camps (drama camp for Abby, horseback riding and vacation bible school for Hailey, farm camp and vacation bible school for Jacob, and a special two week camp for Zachary after four weeks of ESY) and begun some mental planning of fun activities to do in July and August.  Unfortunately little of our planning will get to include Marc, which makes me sad.  My confidence about beach and lake outings on my own has become so much stronger after a successful summer last year, but life is so much more enjoyable when you have someone to share it with.  I keep looking forward to the day that our lives return back to "normal" and I can ditch the whole single parenting gig!  In the mean time, I just keep working hard to make life as enjoyable as possible for my four wonderful children.